My Cancer in Bullet Points #6

* Yesterday I didn't go to the sanctuary I usually attend for Sunday worship.

* I spent the beautiful, cloudless morning at the sanctuary of Daniel's Place, i.e., the cemetery here in Durham, NC.

* Daniel's Place is a calm space to walk, think, contemplate, pray, sing, and write.

* Before leaving the house, Carl provided me with a roll of toilet paper in case I had to make my way into the woods. He knew I'd had two mugs of coffee.

* The grassy lawns of the cemetery are serene, breezy, and filled with stories. Seated on Daniel's terrier blanket, I saw a yellow butterfly (yes, in November!).

* This was my first visit since being diagnosed with breast cancer.

* I had a little chat at the smallest grave marker of Our Darling Boy. "So, looks like I have cancer and you had cancer," I said. "What a thing to have in common!" I brushed a leaf away from where it landed on his name. "Only God knew that your life and death would be instrumental in helping to prepare me for what God has for me now."

* No mother can sit by her son's grave without shedding a few tears after that.

* "I miss you; I love you," I said.

* I did all the talking. Daniel remained quiet; he always does.

* He's joyfully experiencing all the wonder, majesty, and magnitude of Heaven. He told me when he was on Earth, "There are no tears in Heaven."

* I wiped my eyes, and then got moving.

* As I made my way around the loop that circles the cemetery, I thought: This could be the last time I walk here with all of me --- if you know what I mean.

* I'm coming to terms with the reality that I could be having bilateral breast surgery very soon.

I walked 2.8 miles in 36 minutes.

* I still got it! (I used to walk 4 miles a day, but lately I have been slack.)

* There is always traffic from Interstate 40 on the other side of the cemetery. A low din of noise.

* The traffic beckons me, reminding me that there is still life to be lived. You can't stay in the quiet and serene forever.

* Just like that infamous line in Robert Frost's poem, the one I had to memorize in fourth grade --- "I have miles to go before I sleep."

* Ignoring the traffic and the need to get back to my other life, I meandered among the graves and found Solomon's tomb; it's just a few rows up from Daniel's.

* In my memoir, Life at Daniel's Place, I've written about how the scripture verse from 2 Timothy on this stranger's marker ministered to me about life (be it short or long in years) and faith. "I have finished my course, I have kept the faith." I like the way it is tweaked to say "my."

* I want to keep running (or in my case, walking because I am not coordinated enough to run) the race until Jesus tells me it's over and I get to go to my eternal home.

* "It is a glorious day," I spoke into my phone where I often record my thoughts and ideas in Google Docs.

* My phone, which doesn't always understand my English, transcribed my words as "glorious dead."

* This shows me that my phone has a sense of humor.

* And for those curious minds, I made it home in time so the toilet paper was not necessary.

* Thank you to all who are keeping me in prayer for Wednesday's CT Scan at Duke.

* I'm sure I won't find out the results until after Thanksgiving, so this will be my last post until then.

* Happy Thanksgiving to each of you!

Photo Op at the Cemetery

On Saturday, Carl, our pup Bella, and I went to Daniel's Place. I thought it would be a good time for a photo op with my new memoir, Life at Daniel's Place. There's a large box tucked inside my bedroom closet, and from it, I pulled out a few of Daniel's things---a stuffed dog he received as a gift during one of his many hospital visits, a beach sandal, and a plastic fish from a game he played. While those items had never been to the cemetery, the Thomas The Tank Engine beach towel has shared many visits to the grave with me. Spread out, it serves as a soft area to sit.

I got thinking about what going to the grave does for us. What do the living gain from being surrounded by gravestones and memories? Over the years, I have found the time there to hold many emotions. But recently, my hours spent under the oak by Daniel's tiny marker, are serene, calming, and refreshing. Bella runs the grassy hills and gets her exercise. Carl makes sure she doesn't knock over any flowers.

Inspiration is another word that comes to mind. There's always a breeze by the oak, even on hot days. As the leaves rustle, words form, and when I look over the vast sea of graves, I'm reminded life is short. My priorities align at the cemetery. My vision is focused. Do what you are called to do. Now.

So what's my memoir about? Read on, and when you are finished, I hope you'll want a copy of Life at Daniel's Place.

Are you grieving a loss? Do you feel no one understands your broken heart? How should a mother of faith deal with tragedy?

When 36-year-old Alice lost her son Daniel, she doubted a graveyard could ever offer tranquility. At first, she wanted to run from the cemetery because it symbolized that Daniel, her four-year-old son, was gone. Being at the grave filled her with shame, guilt, and doubt. Gradually, thanks to geese, picnics, helium balloons, and epitaphs, the cemetery, named Daniel’s Place by Alice’s family, became a haven of discovery and beauty. Life at Daniel’s Place is the story of a mother’s heart transformed from fear to certainty and confidence. Alice’s reflections remind us that a renewed faith in God is possible and welcomed, even amid trauma. While grief lasts a lifetime, God's love and presence is always constant.

ORDER Life at Daniel's Place at Amazon or, if you live in the USA, send a check to me for $20 for your own signed copy. The yellow fish is not included. :-)

Send to: Alice Wisler

201 Monticello Avenue

Durham, NC 27707