Approaching...

I remember my friend said she hoped Daniel wouldn't die on
her birthday. He didn't. He died on my cousin's wife's
birthday and the birthday that belonged to one of Daniel's
favorite nurses. Groundhog Day is the day he breathed his last.
That silly day when grown men try to decipher whether
or not a little furry creature sees his shadow.
It's one of those days when you don't know what to do.... Not exactly
a card-sending day like Valentine's or Christmas.

Twelve years ago Daniel left our lives by dying. Twelve years later
I still feel my stomach knot as Groundhog day approaches...

Through his short life of four years and prolonged death of over a
week, I have learned so much. I've learned life is short and each
moment counts and one minute might be all I get. I've learned
to be real, to not waste time trying to get grouchy people to
like me, and to hold those I love closely. I've learned that
a mother never ever forgets her child or the day he was born or
the day he died.

You know what? I would rather be blissful and ignorant than to
have to be so wise.

Daniel in Heaven, I miss you. I miss what you would have brought
to my life as you played and grew and loved me.

Every day.

Good-Bye at Four

How small four is...

a footprint the span of my hand


How young four is...

believing in heroes that fly


How brave four is...

treatments that linger into the night


How trusting four is...

kneeling in the hospital chapel to pray


How tiny four is...

escorted to Heaven on angel's wings


How sad four is...

leaving sand castles yet to build


How short four is...

dates inscribed on a single stone


How lonely four is...

we left here to ponder


Forever.

my notes: I wrote the above in 2003, six years after Daniel died from cancer treatments. Now we are about to enter into twelve years since I last held his hand. Does it get easier? Sure, I think. But I still find tears in my eyes when I see his tiny jeans jacket hanging in the closet...

Cary Public Library

One of the fun things about having a novel out is the book events.
On January 26, at 7 PM, I will be at the Cary Public Library at
310 South Academy Street talking about Rain Song. Books will be for sale there for $13.99. Be sure to mark your calendars, and come on out! I look forward to this event.