Dear Santa, just get me through the season!

It's that season again, the one where we are supposed to feel joyful. Excited, as the commercials on TV tell us that new cars and diamonds bring happiness. Festive, as recipes for desserts circle social media. In love with our extended families, even though we haven't spoken to them since last Christmas.

But what if you just feel blah?

The problem with feeling like Scrooge is that we think we're alone. That's because few are brave enough to step up and admit, "I hate this season." "I want to sleep it away." "I don't care about any of it."

My psychiatrists friends are busy this season, not with baking pies and going to parties, but with clients who ask for help. "Just get me through Thanksgiving and Christmas," one of my friend's patients said.

When the season presents itself as a huge undertaking and there is no energy for it, sometimes that's all we ask: Just get me through it.

Forget the shopping, the sales, the glitter, the fun.

I remember feeling like that for the first Christmases after Daniel died. Take a dirty rag, wipe the sky and everything around me with it, and that was how I felt. To avoid the usual Christmas tradition, which Daniel would no longer be part of, we left Durham. Our first Christmas was in Greensboro at an Embassy Suites. The next was in the Outer Banks, the third without him was at a beach in Virginia. We left the house where Daniel had celebrated four Christmases and did something different.

And we lived through those early agonizing holidays without him.

Those experiences help me to see that others also find Christmas to be hard. You don't have to have had a death of a precious child to feel distraught during the season. You might be going through other calamities----the loss of a marriage, a job, declining health, or the loss of even hope.

Perhaps deciding not to believe the myth that everybody else has great plans or is happy will help as you make your way through December and into the new year. Perhaps journaling will benefit you as you pour your frustrations and fears onto paper. A meditative walk might give you new focus.

Others might suggest reaching out to those who are less fortunate is the answer. But when you're trying to hold your life together, you may not have any ability to reach out to anyone. Praying might even be more of a wrestling match than a time of solace and mercy. You might just want to put on a slow song, set the timer and give yourself permission to cry for five good long minutes.

This season could be just plodding through one day at a time. I'm no psychiatrist, but from my own sorrow, I would say: Allow yourself to plod. Not feeling joyous at Christmas is not a punishable crime. Besides, to be honest, no one is experiencing every day of the month with bright smiles and sugary bliss, even those who appear to be.

The season will end, and at the end, you can say that you survived. It might not seem like a big feat, but deep down, you will know that it's a big accomplishment. The skills you discover might come in handy for other times when life is tough.

After all, life is all about adjusting and adapting. To live is to struggle. Don't believe anyone who tells you that life is meant to be a bowl of happiness.

Even the son of God, whose birh we celebrate at Christmas, came into a suffering world to suffer. He knows just how dismal being human can be. And He reaches out to all, offering peace, love, and hope.

~
Struggling with getting out of bed in the morning? This little devotional might help.

Reflections of Comfort in Heartache

I set out to write a book about me—my anguish, my loss, my pain, my doubt, my questions. Instead I was pointed to God and wrote about His grace, His love, His faithfulness, and His forgiveness. Within those are His answers.

We often think it’s all about us—how much we suffer, how much we cry, how tormented we feel. But when we weigh all of our misery against His grace, His grace outweighs it all. God’s compassion is stronger, fiercer than our struggles, and His love more constant, radiant, and healing than any problem in our den of lions.

If you are early in your grief, you may not understand what I’m talking about. You might still be at odds with God, and while the title of this book caught your attention, as you flip through the pages, that’s all you liked. That’s okay. God meets us wherever we are and no amount of disbelief, anger, or frustration keeps Him from loving His children. It has taken me fifteen years, from the worst heartache of my life, to come to this place of comfort, this stream of beauty. And I never thought I’d be here. When my son first died, I told God that we would only communicate in passing, like a neighbor I don’t like when I see her over the fence. I almost wished I had had no past with God—no history, no conversion story—so that I didn’t have to be angry with Him for my loss. God would be distant from now on. As I learned to adapt to my heartache, I would not expect anything from Him again.

I am one who had to wrestle. Like Jacob, I did. I groaned and I fought and groaned some more. And through it all, I was surprised. What I thought I’d discarded for good, instead became a new song in my mouth. I welcomed a stronger, genuine, more realistic faith—a possession I keep within my broken heart, a gift no moth or thief can steal.


From the Preface for Getting Out of Bed in the Morning by Alice J. Wisler, published by Leafwood Publishers 2012
Available in print and e-reader at many shops including Amazon.

Cooking With Authors Rose and Alice!

What if two authors who both have devotionals got together on a blog and shared two holiday recipes?

Cool idea, isn't it? We thought so!

Today I have fellow devotional author Rose Chandler Johnson to talk about cooking! She has a recipe for pecan pie. I'll be sharing my bread in a can recipe from my fifth novel, Still Life in Shadows.

But first, Rose's new devotional is God, Me and Sweet Iced Tea (Lighthouse Publishing of the Carolinas). I had her as a guest here shortly after her book was released. This devotional meets women in their daily lives and invites them to draw closer to God.

My devotional, Getting Out of Bed in the Morning (Leafwood Publishers), is a companion through grief and loss, and for those who seek comfort from God in the midst of great sorrow.

Both devotionals offer tips on writing as a way of discovering more about yourself and more about God.





So without further ado, here's Rose to tell us about pecan pie.


Rose’s Southern Pecan Pie
Pecan pie was one of the first holiday desserts I learned to bake when I first got married in the 70’s. It quickly became a family favorite as everyone declared mine to be the best Southern pecan pie they’d ever eaten. Thanksgiving, Christmas, and Easter feasts would not be complete without my pecan pie. If you follow my directions, your pie will turn out perfectly and it might become a family favorite.

2/3 cup of light brown sugar lightly packed in the measuring cup
1/3 cup salted butter, melted
1 cup light corn syrup (I use Karo.)
3 large eggs well-beaten
1 to 1 ½ cups pecan halves
One 9-inch pie crust homemade or a frozen deep dish pie shell (thawed with the edges fluted)
1. Heat oven to 375 degrees.
2. Mix sugar with melted butter, then beat in eggs (which are already beaten), next add corn syrup and beat some more until well-blended. You can beat by hand or use your electric mixer. The color will be caramel.
3. Stir in the pecan halves until all are nicely coated. Pour into the pastry shell.
4. Reduce the oven temperature to 350 degrees. Bake the pie for 40 minutes. At this point the center will still be shaky, but the pecans will be brown. Make a tent of aluminum foil over the pie. This will allow the custard to bake completely without burning the pecans. Bake 10 to 15 more minutes until the pie is puffed up under the aluminum foil. The center should not be shaky. Be careful not to let the pecans burn.
5. Allow to cool completely before slicing. Some people do serve it warm, but the custard is liable to be runny if it’s warm.
6. Hats off to the chef! Your Southern Pecan Pie will be delicious.



Ashlyn’s Bread in a Can

I like modern technology and that includes the oven and range, but when it comes to making bread, I don’t mind being old fashioned. Neither does Ashlyn. She’s the sheriff’s daughter in my Southern novel, Still Life in Shadows. Ashlyn makes bread.

Not just any bread, but bread steamed inside a can. Generations ago when there were no stoves and only fires to cook over, bread was made this way. A coffee can was used to pour flour, milk, and other ingredients into and then the can was sealed and steamed in a kettle of water. As the water boiled, the bread inside the coffee can, baked. After two hours, the can was removed from the pan and if greased well, out slid a round bundle of bread. Often known as Boston brown bread due to the color of the flour and the molasses, some cooks also added raisins as an ingredient.

½ cup whole wheat flour
½ cup corn meal
½ cup rye flour
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 cup buttermilk
1/3 cup molasses
½ teaspoon salt
½ teaspoon nutmeg
½ teaspoon cinnamon
1 cup raisins

Stir flours and cornmeal together in a large bowl. Add baking soda, salt, nutmeg, and cinnamon. Stir. Pour in buttermilk. Add molasses and mix well. Stir in raisins. Pour mixture into one greased 1-lb. coffee can and attach lid securely. Fill large cooking pot with boiling water so that it covers the can halfway when placed in pot. Put lid on pan. Steam bread for two hours (I keep it on simmer). Remove can from water. Carefully run a knife around the inside of the can to loosen the bread from the sides and then invert the bread onto a cooling rack. Serve hot in rounds with butter.


Read the reviews for God, Me, and Sweet Iced Tea at Amazon.
Read the reviews for Getting Out of Bed in the Morning at Amazon.

Special Deal for a Special Christmas!

Getting Out of Bed in the Morning (Leafwood Publishers) is a companion through grief and makes a lovely gift for someone going through the heartache of loss. Losses come in all shapes----the loss of a loved one, a financial loss, a career loss, loss of health and loss of relationships-----but they all carry a sizable wound to the heart. This devotional is written by a mother inspired by the life and death of her son, Daniel. I am that mother and my heart goes out to all in grief and loss.

These forty devotionals address the painful hardships realistically, as well as the doubt, worry, and fear that come with them. The pages are packed with tips on how readers should take care of themselves and draw near to God so that healing is possible. Each devotional includes reflection, prayer, and suggestions for those who want to integrate walks into their daily routine.

Memories Around the Table is a cookbook of favorite recipes and remembrances of those (both old and young) who are no longer around to share a meal with us. Many contributed to this special book and because of this, this cookbook is a tribute to sons, daughters, mothers, fathers and grandparents. Remembering them in this way brings comfort.

[Pictured: Peanut Butter Cookies from the cookbook]


Purchase a copy of Getting Out of Bed in the Morning, and get a $14.99 Memories Around the Table cookbook for free! Both will be signed by the author, me!

Hurry, this deal only lasts till December 12, 2013!

Here's how:
Send a check for $13.99 plus $4.00 S/H ----a total of $17.99 to the address below:
Alice J. Wisler
201 Monticello Avenue
Durham, NC 27707

Or purchase via PayPal by using the button below:

Read the reviews for Gettng Out of Bed in the Morning at Amazon.

When Is the Right Time to Send a Book to a Grieving Friend?

Shortly after Daniel died, a co-worker of my husband's gave us a book. The book was accounts of local parents who had lost children in various ways. One of the women shared how she lost a son 40 years ago to neuroblastoma, the same cancer Daniel had. According to her bio, she lived in nearby Raleigh. I looked her up in the phone book and called her. I'll never forget the feeling of calling a stranger to tell her about the death of my son. Would she think I was crazy? Too forward? I didn't care; I needed to connect with someone who had had a child die. Plus, her story was touching and from her written words, she seemed kind.

When she answered the phone, I told her what had happened to me. We were both excited that we'd found each other through a book. "Thank you for calling me," she said at the end of our conversation. She invited me to her house for lunch. We got together many times after that and became friends. She listened to my questions. Not only was she kind, she was living proof that life could go on for me.

I share this to say that I feel any time after the death of a child is an okay time to send a book or a gift. When the idea was birthed to send donated copies of my new devotional, Getting Out of Bed in the Morning , to the families affected by the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting, people asked, "When is the best time to send your books? Should we wait a few weeks? Months?"

I say, go for it now. The bereaved parent may be like I was and delve right into the book (I tended to gravitate toward books written by other bereaved parents as opposed to those written by the theologians, although I was gifted with both). Or the particular parent may not be able to read or want to read anything for a while. Every parent is different. But there is no harm in sending a book right away.

Perhaps it would help if we recognized a couple of things about grief. When a child first dies, it is devastating beyond words. Months later, it is still devastating. Sometimes the later months are even worse than the onset of the moment when the news is delivered that he has died. Reality kicks in---he is not coming back. He is not backpacking in the Appalachian mountains, he is not away at camp. He is not at college. He is not napping in his crib. He is not, he is not, he is not, is not, is not . . .

He is dead.

The truth is, friends, this parental bereavement journey continues for the rest of the parent's life. Yes, that's thirty, forty or even seventy years. It is not going away.

So when to send a book? Any time. Let your message be: "I care for you. I want to do something." If you send my book, send it with a note sort of like this: "Here is a book my friend wrote after the death of her four-year-old son. I wanted you to have it."

Unfortunately no book will "fix" a bereaved parent. But books can help. Books can become comforting companions. "We read to know that we are not alone," wrote C.S. Lewis.

The hosts of the recent radio show I was on (one a bereaved mother and one a bereaved sibling) said many books written about the death of a child are either all about the situation (acknowledging emotions, etc.) and nothing about God or all about God and little about the situation. The hosts commented that Getting Out of Bed in the Morning is a mixture of both emotions faced when a child dies and God. I feel that books that gloss over the overwhelming emotions and get right to "how God has a better plan" provide a disservice to grief and loss. Grief needs to be brought to the surface, as ugly and uncomfortable as it might make us feel.

No one knows why children die. No one should pretend to have the answers. God of Mystery is a chapter in my book that deals with the not knowing why. In spite of not knowing, I do know faith is trusting even when the path is bleak and the winds knock you down. Faith is not easy. Trite responses and Band-aids do not give me comfort. But I do know that I need God on this journey and I need to trust that Daniel resides in Heaven with Him.



If you'd like to order a copy of Getting Out of Bed in the Morning, please head over to Amazon.

Autographed copies can be ordered from my Rivers of Life Gift Shop.

Sandy Hook Comfort Project April Update

As most of you know, back in December, the idea came about to send copies of my book on loss and grief, Getting Out of Bed in the Morning , to those who had lost loved ones from the horrendous Sandy Hook Elementary shooting in Newtown, CT. Books were donated at a very generous level (even my publisher donated a large amount) and I was able to send 106 autographed copies to a church in Sandy Hook. Personalized notes for the families of the victims were also included with 26 of the books.




A few weeks after sending the two heavy boxes, I called the church to make sure that the books arrived; they had.

Last week I received a hand-written thank-you note which reads:

In the midst of our tragedy in Sandy Hook, your thoughtfulness was truly appreciated. Your gift was a symbol of comfort to our community in the face of great loss. We ask that you continue to keep us in your prayers; you have already touched us profoundly.

With deep thanks in Christ,
The People and Staff of Newtown United Methodist Church

I want to thank each of you who were involved in making this comfort project a success. I hope the books are meaningful and helpful to many.

"I lie down and sleep; I wake again, because the Lord sustains me." Psalm 3:5

If you'd like to order a copy of Getting Out of Bed in the Morning in either Kindle or print, click here.

A challenge for Easter

In my new devotional, Getting Out of Bed in the Morning, I offer a challenge. I ask my readers to get to know God better than they know their own troubles.

The tendency might at first be to think, Oh, yeah, I already know God well.

But how well do you know about the following:
* Your bills
* Your finances
* Your coworkers who drive you crazy
* Your neighbor who runs over your lawn with her car
* Your spouse's irritating habits
* The new house your friend just had built
* The sound of your children complaining
* The sound of your own voice complaining

Do these things---some of which might lead you to worry or become depressed----consume your thoughts? Do you get wrapped up in them?

Do you know how God loves you? Do you understand how much you mean and matter to him? Can His love and attributes come to mind and renew your mind over all your despair and confusion? Can you let that happen?

In Getting Out of Bed in the Morning, I also ask readers to "Push aside all the jargon you might have grown up with—“christianese”—certain phrases you’ve repeated that you aren’t even sure how to explain to a nonbeliever. Read the Bible, perhaps pondering on one passage over and over so that you can fully grasp its meaning for you. Discover ways to express both God and faith in your own words."

For example, can you tell the Resurrection Story in your own words? Can you explain the meaning of Jesus' death on a cross and coming out from the tomb in a fresh way?

Start with one word. Crucified. What are others words you can use in its place? Think: What does it mean to be crucified?

Continue on with other words and phrases we use excessively at Easter-----salvation, died on a cross, rose again, died for my sins, was buried in a tomb.

This Easter spend some time finding new and fresh ways to express how excited you are to know this Jesus Christ who loves you. Read your favorite Easter passage from a new translation like The Message.

Consider how you might tell the story of Jesus' death to someone who has never heard it, or to someone who is not a native speaker of your language, or to a child.

"Discover both God and faith in your own words!"

I challenge you!

To order a copy of Getting Out of Bed in the Morning, click here.

Join this blog and enter to win a copy of Getting Out of Bed in the Morning

Mornings. Darkness. Bleakness. Life can be daunting.

So it was for me when my four-year-old son Daniel died in February 1997. I wanted to die, too. And if my broken heart wasn't going to kill me, then at least, I wanted to stay in bed. But I was six months pregnant and had a six-year-old daughter and a 15-month-old son to care for. Mornings started early. When Elizabeth was born three months later, they seemed like the extension of countless sleep-deprived nights.

Perhaps you know what it's like to struggle. Maybe you have experienced a loss that keeps you from wanting to participate in life.

Getting Out of Bed in the Morning: Reflections of Comfort in Heartache addresses the toil of life, the heartache, the grief and loss. Known as a companion through grief, this little devotional was created to bring comfort to those in pain.

"I lie down and sleep; I wake again; because the Lord sustains me." ~ Psalm 3:5 (NIV)

I'm offering a free copy of Getting Out of Bed in the Morning.

To be eligible to win, follow these rules:
1) Join this blog by following it (add yourself to the link on the right)
2) Post a comment in reply to the question: What helps you get out of bed in the morning?
3) Include your email
4) Offer good in the USA only

Giveaway contest ends April 1 and that's no joke!


Thanks for joining me here!

Monday's Offer for Free! A Grateful Heart Dances

It's March and I am looking forward to spring. Now that we have sprung forward an hour in the USA with daylight savings time, we are on the homestretch to warmer weather. Signs of spring are all around. I'm grateful for the many flowers that have already bloomed.

Did you know that a grateful heart dances?



Since I am feeling grateful and my heart does enjoy dancing, I wanted to offer a gift to each of you.

The gift is a pack of ten Thank You postcards and ten white envelopes. Designed by Rachel Wisler, these cards (A grateful heart dances) retail for $13.00 at my website. But today, they are free when you purchase a copy of my new devotional, Getting Out of Bed in the Morning for just $17.00 (includes all postage).

So act now! Order a book by either sending a check for $17.00 to the address below or by using the PayPal button. And receive the gift of glossy, bright thank you postcards!

Daniel's House Publications
201 Monticello Avenue
Durham, NC 27707 USA


PayPal

Offer good in USA only.

"Must read for anyone grieving the loss of a loved one, especially a child."

~ Review for Getting Out of Bed in the Morning

Getting Out of Bed in the Morning in the Durham Herald-Sun

A devotional of ‘comfort in heartache’

Alice Wisler hopes to help others deal with loss with ‘Getting Out of Bed in the Morning’


BY DAWN BAUMGARTNER VAUGHAN; dvaughan@heraldsun.com; 919-419-6563


DURHAM —

In the wake of the death of her 4-year-old son Daniel in 1997, Alice Wisler formed a grief organization to help other parents. Also an author of several fiction books, Wisler’s latest is a devotional. “Getting Out of Bed in the Morning: Reflections of Comfort in Heartache” (Leafwood Publishers, softcover, $13.99) is a collection of 40 devotionals for those dealing with various kinds of losses in their lives.

The idea for the devotional was formed as Wisler, who lives in Durham, went on walks, and each devotional includes ideas for contemplation while on a walk. It also includes a prayer, Bible verses and Wisler’s own personal stories of life and loss.

Daniel, who died after eight months of cancer treatments, would have been 21 now. The anniversary of his death is Feb. 2. What Wisler’s book shows, and what she experiences, is that “there is a God that sustains us through misery.”

What’s helped her be sustained is being around other believers who encourage and support her, Wisler said. A member of Blacknall Presbyterian Church, which she joined in 2002, Wisler has found that other members are willing to learn about Daniel and acknowledge his death.

“Bereaved parents want acknowledgement,” she said. They’re still grieving their child and still missing their child, always. Parents don’t want a pity party, Wisler said, just the acknowledgement that attending something like a celebratory event is hard.

Through donations, 106 copies of “Getting Out of Bed in the Morning” were sent this week to Newtown United Methodist Church in Connecticut, the community where 20 children and six adults were murdered at Sandy Hook Elementary School in December. Victims included church members.

Writing has been a form of solace, great peace and hope after her son’s death, Wisler said. She hopes people will find encouragement from her book, with a message to point to God. It helps to see what God has to say about bereavement, grief and fear, she said, and “how we can live in spite of the suffering.”

Below is an excerpt from “Getting Out of Bed in the Morning: Reflections of Comfort in Heartache” by Alice J. Wisler:

(Pages 44-47, devotion Seven)
“Rescue Me!”

. . . my eyes are dim with grief. I call to you, O Lord, every day; I spread out my hands to you. — Psalm 88:9

Observing a temper tantrum in a child is no easy feat. We watch a child asking for a cookie, and then when denied she continues to beg, and then the begging leads to wailing. Nine times out of ten, kicking and screaming follow. Sometimes the only way to stop the escalating behavior is to pick the child up and hold her until she, at last, is exhausted and settles in her parent’s arms.

As adults, often we’re still like a child. We vacillate between wanting to pull away, storm out, go our own way, and wanting to be rescued from ourselves. Somebody hold me, help me take my eyes off of me and my dilemma and focus on something else.

At times, like a child, we get to a place where we are totally out of sorts, unable to even see or think clearly anymore. Life seems to have swallowed us whole. We are in dire need of help. Open your eyes and look to the One who is standing beside you, His arms outstretched. He wants to pick you up and hold you until your tears and frustration cease.

When a mother came back home from a Mary Kay party with more makeup on than she usually wore, her four-year-old daughter stood at a distance for a moment before running into her arms. Then smiling into her face, the child said, “I know it’s you, Mommy! I know you’re in there.” While you might put on a new façade in the form of a different hairstyle or article of clothing, you can’t fool those who are closest to you. They still recognize you. How much more acquainted with you is God! He knows you better than you know yourself. He loves you more than anyone ever can or will.


Reflections to Ponder
Close your eyes and spread out your hands. Lift them up over your head. Stretch them out in front of you, palms up. Imagine God reaching out for you. Spend a few moments in silence. Listen for God’s stirrings in your heart. Close and then open your hands as though you are giving your concerns over to God. Read aloud Psalm 88:9: “. . . my eyes are dim with grief. I call to you, O Lord, every day; I spread out my hands to you.” In response to this verse, read also Psalm 18:19: “He [the Lord] brought me into a spacious place; he rescued me because he delighted in me.”

If you feel overwhelmed by what you feel your life is lacking or what you think is not right, jot down your concerns. Sometimes releasing your pent-up discontent helps because you are getting it out of your mind and letting the paper hold the weight of it. What troubles you? Can you put your fears on paper? Do you believe that the Lord will counsel you as you seek Him (Ps. 16:7)?

Prayer:
Save me for I am drowning.
Save me for I worry.
Save me for I fear.
Save me for I am consumed with despair.
Save me, O God.
You have rescued me
from drowning, from worry,
from fear, and from despair.
Thank you, O God.

When You Walk:
Find a park to walk to and a place to sit. On a note pad, list what you know about God to be true. How will you implement these truths in your daily life?

[Excerpt courtesy of author and Leafwood Publishers]


WHAT: Author reading, “Getting Out of Bed in the Morning: Reflections of Comfort in Heartache” by Alice J. Wisler. There will also be soup and cornbread.
WHEN: 10 a.m. to noon, Feb. 9
WHERE: Blacknall Presbyterian Church Fellowship Hall
1902 Perry St., Durham

Printed in the Durham Herald-Sun in the Faith and More section / January 31, 2013
Copyright 2013

To read reviews and order Getting Out Of Bed in the Morning, click here.

A package of love and comfort headed for Sandy Hook, CT

In tragedy, words seem lacking . . . but love reaches across each barrier . . .

The books have been signed and are ready to send! Since December, after the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting on the 14th, the Sandy Hook Comfort Project has received donations to send books to Sandy Hook, CT ---a token of our love and concern.
106 copies of Getting Out of Bed in the Morning will be mailed to a church in Sandy Hook for the families who lost loved ones and for others in the community (churches, first responders, medical staff, friends, co-workers).

What an outpouring of love! I had a mixture of emotions as I signed all 26 books for each family who had a child--young or older--die. Writing the names of dead children is never easy to do. Afterwards, I signed the rest of the books with "In love and memory". Each book will be accompanied with a letter which contains all the signatures of those who donated. You can read the letter here and see the names of the donors. A Songs From Heaven postcard will also be included.

I don't want anyone to be left out, so if you would still like to donate, please click this link. When you get there, scroll down to the bottom of that post to find out how to donate via Paypal or snail mail. You can donate any amount you would like. Upon donating, your name will be added to the letter.

I plan to mail the boxes of books out on Monday, January 28th.

January 26, 2013

Sixteen years ago on February 2, my world crashed. After eight months of treatment, my four-year-old son Daniel lost his battle to cancer. The pain I felt was indescribable. I never wanted anyone to ever have to experience a sorrow like that. How would I live on? How could I cope?

You know the sorrow from the devastating loss of your precious child. You know what it is like to live with a broken heart.

This book of grief and loss, Getting Out of Bed in the Morning: Reflections of Comfort in Heartache, is a gift to you from many of us. When Daniel died, it helped me to read books by other bereaved parents so that I knew I was not alone in my anguish.

I hope this book will serve as a token of our care and as a reminder of how we continue to lift you and the community of Sandy Hook up in our prayers.

With love and remembrance always,

Alice Wisler, Durham, NC
Rebecca Boucher, Spencer, MA
Lisa Schorp, Crest Hill, IL
Dorothy Jones, Natchitoches, LA
Trish Jenkins, Queensland, Australia
Kishia Carrington, Durham, NC
Kit Tosell, Sisters, OR
Karen and Pete Versoi, Durham, NC
Donna Jackson, Charlotte, NC
Margaret DeYoung, Zeeland, MI
Lynn Shoemate, Dallas, TX
D D Scott, Dallas, TX
Melva and Randy Strait, Durham, NC
Norma Pascuales, Gadsden, AL
D’Ann Mateer, Rockwall, TX
Lee Ann and Michael Brumble, Burlington, NC
Katharine Parrish, Cary NC
Jane Avery, Durham, NC
Joyel Hidber, Alberta, Canada
Robert Kingshott, Zeeland, MI
Ann Knowles, Wilmington, NC
Ben and Gayle Lichius, Beaver Falls, PA
Maija Schaefer, Novato, CA
Robin Nixon, Greenville, NC
Melissa Robinson, Garner, NC
Laura Gibowski, Durham, NC
Karen Alford, Cleveland, TN
Elizabeth Boenig, College Station, TX
Karen and Philip Parrillo, Chicago, IL
Kim McHugh, Glenmont, NY
Marie Pinkham, Fort Myers, FL
Carol Stratton, Mooresville, NC
Sandra Bates, Chapel Hill, NC
Cheryl Veasey, Durham, NC
Teresa Cross, Durham, NC
Mary Worthen-Gilliam, Durham, NC
Joylene McFarland, Durham, NC
Donna James , Durham, NC
Sharon Frye, Durham, NC
Suzanne and Doug Coonley, Durham, NC
Sandy Smith, Clayton, NC
Barb and Mike Eyster, Durham, NC
Tricia Hocker, Durham, NC
Donna Emory, Durham, NC
Troy McNear, Goose Creek, SC
Jane and Vincent Stubbs, Durham, NC
Leafwood Publishers, Abilene, TX
Joyce Juhl, San Antonio, TX
Dave and Jane Latta, Durham, NC

Gifts With A Heart---The Continuation of the Sandy Hook Comfort Project

I love events that come from the brainstormings of others. The staff at Gifts With A Heart have something special planned for Friday, January 25 from 6 to 9 PM. There will music by Converting Hearts, door prizes, refreshments and an opportunity to shop at this unique store. The evening is part of the Sandy Hook Comfort Project, a project that started in December 2012, shortly after the tragic shooting at the Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newton, CT. Some of Alice's friends suggested her new devotional, Getting Out of Bed in the Morning, be sent to the families who lost beloved children to death on 12/14/12. The Project has morphed into a large and wide-spread outpouring so that now books will be sent not just to the families, but to others in the Sandy Hook community who were affected by the horrible shooting (first responders, teachers, clergy, hospital staff, etc.).

GETTING OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING and Alice's son Daniel (8/25/92--2/2/97)


On January 25 you will have an opportunity to purchase a copy or two of Getting Out of Bed in the Morning for the Sandy Hook Comfort Project. Books will be shipped to the United Methodist Church in Sandy Hook for distribution by the end of this month. Each book will be autographed by Alice and sent with a letter, listing the names and cities of all the donors. The families who lost loved ones will have copies of their books personalized with the name of their child.

Join us for this meaningful time!


Gifts With A Heart
2889 Jones Franklin Road
Swift Creek Shopping Center
Raleigh, NC 27606


To read more about The Sandy Hook Comfort Project, head over to Alice's Patchwork Quilt Blog.

You can also read reviews for Getting Out of Bed in the Morning.

Hop over to see the merchandise at
Gifts With A Heart.


[This post was first posted at Alice's Writing the Heartache Blog.]

Time Heals? I Am Still Caught Off-guard

Here it comes . . .

After all these years, I didn't expect it to hit me. Hasn't time wiped away the surge of grief?

To another mother (one who gets grief because her son died, too) I wrote:

"The roller coaster ride is about to begin . . . Actually, it already has and for whatever reason, has caught me off-guard. Why do we think we can escape the memories of such sorrowful days? Why do we think that time takes care of restoring our eyes so that they will no longer shed tears? And oh, when other moms speak of trite scrapes and bruises their children have had, why do we still gasp at what we have endured?"

On a recent morning, seated among other moms, the conversation turned to kids and their childhood illnesses. I tried to listen, but when the comments were made of how bad one mom had had it, all I could think was: But your child was rescued. Your child lived.

Memories of Daniel's last days that led up to his death bombarded me as I tried to add to the topic without talking about his demise. I spoke of a time my husband and I got hepatitis A shortly after Daniel was born. How hard it had been to nurse him and hold him then. How weary it was to care for him and his older sister Rachel when my internal organs ached and I was the color of mustard left out in the sun.

But as I shared this bit of history, my heart was not fooled. My heart knew that story in comparison to Daniel's cancer-related death was a mere walk in the park.

Years ago I would have acknowleged my pain, making sure people knew of my son's death and the agony it brought. This day I didn't feel the need to. After all, these mothers knew of my loss. Surely, one of them would suddenly remember that I had watched my son breathe his last breath. Or even if they didn't mention it, that was okay.

I would be normal today. After nearly sixteen years since my child's death, couldn't I push the thoughts of rushing to the ER, of watching his bloated body aside? Couldn't I have a normal story to tell?

It didn't help that the day was drizzly. I drove home from the gathering with an acute awareness of the scar on my heart. I felt lonely, distant from those who knew not of the continual sorrow bereaved mothers face.

Yet, I was not lonely for long. Those who have also buried children gone too soon, were waiting to greet me in this wonderful world of cyberspace. Their virtual hugs and words of understanding gave me the consolation I needed.

And as I write in my new book, Getting Out of Bed in the Morning, "Bottled up grief can make our hearts heavy; sharing it with a friend, even the friend of a journal, can alleviate some of our confusion, frustration, or loneliness."

I am not a freak. I am not crazy. And I am not alone.

I am a mother who misses her Daniel.

Yes, even after all these long, long years.

And to me, that's what is perfectly normal.

~ Alice J. Wisler

To order a copy of Getting Out of Bed in the Morning, visit Amazon.

Grief at Christmas: Finding that Simple Quiet

Hang on, it’s begun. I heard my first Christmas carol on the radio two weeks before Thanksgiving and neighbors, as well as store owners, must have heard it, too. Lights and tinsel are popping up everywhere. The holidays. Watch out. I recall being in Burma (back when we called it Burma) and the simple Christmas Eve with communion. There was a loaf of bread and a chipped glass of wine inside a modest church, no blaring music about Santa, not a spruced-up fir in sight.

“What’s wrong with her?” others whisper as they joyfully join in the carols and stand in line at Target to purchase ornaments for the tree. “It’s a season to celebrate, to sing, to eat, to decorate the house, and to be happy with your family. Get with it!”

That’s the problem. Many can’t. Many Americans are unable to embrace good cheer and lift their glasses to festivities with family and friends. The holidays, for many, are a sobering time, a time of sorrow, of joy-less-ness, of memories of what used to be and what is not now.

It’s not that we don’t want to celebrate, it’s that our naivety has vanished; our eyes have been opened. For me it came when my four-year-old son was presented with an abundance of gifts at the hospital. Generous givers entered his room and the rooms of other sick little boys and girls on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day. They handed out toys. If only, I thought as my weak child opened each gift, one of these gifts was health.

Daniel died six weeks later. The next Christmas I had no desire to get excited about much of anything. The memory of his thin body injected with medicine, seated on the sterile bed opening gifts was just too painful.

I had to buy gifts though; I had three children who had each given me lists. One afternoon, I reluctantly wandered into a store and was drawn to a small porcelain manager scene, a broken one. Someone had glued it; the line of glue was right above the donkey’s ear. Feeling it was symbolic of my new life, I bought it. I would start a new tradition. This broken and repaired scene with Mary, Joseph, Jesus and the donkey would be my new decoration in memory of my son.

Years later, I was able to find a morsel of hope in a few Christmas hymns as I realized that the season was, of course, not about lights or parties at all. Those had the potential to steal from the season, making one feel that if her calendar wasn’t filled with party invites, she was unable or unworthy to enjoy the meaning of Christmas.

I held my decoration and rubbed my finger over the thin broken line. As I did, I felt the brokenness from my own heart. A baby born in a manager came into the world to heal that crevice, and offer peace, love, salvation, and hope. Why did our society let all the noise of commercialism get in the way of that simple, and yet very profound message?

“I am sometimes asked how I get through the holidays now,” a parent whose son died wrote to me. “Do I ever feel the Christmas Spirit these days? And after ten long years, I can finally say that the Christmas Spirit somehow always finds me. It might only l last a little while, but it’s there.”

May our grief open our eyes and hearts to reflect on that first manager scene when hope was born. May we find time to ponder, to listen, and to rest in the quiet. As we continue to miss loved ones, may we pray for strength to reach out to those around us who have lost hope so that they can experience even a little while of the Christmas Spirit.




~*~*~*
Alice J. Wisler lives in Durham. Her new book on grief and loss is Getting Out of Bed in the Morning (Leafwood Publishers). Read more at her blog: http://www.alicewisler.blogspot.com/

Update on the Sandy Hook Comfort Project: What does it mean to lose a child to death?

The outpouring for the families in grief and loss from the shooting at Sandy Hook Elementary School in Newton, CT has been amazing. People are eager to donate books as an act of love to those mourning the loss of loved ones.

Originally the plan was to send a book (Getting Out of Bed in the Morning: Reflections of Comfort in Heartache) to Sandy Hook for each family who had been affected by the tragedy in the loss of a child--young (student) or adult (teacher). That was a meaningful act of comfort, and thanks to each of you, that goal has been accomplished!

When I read again the message from Lisa Schorp (the woman with the vision who posted on my Facebook page last Saturday), I noted that she said it would be great to be able to send copies of my book not only to the families at Sandy Hook Elementary School who lost a loved one, but to all the families. I suppose I overlooked that part of her message because it seemed too big a goal.

This project has morphed. That is amazing to me. Thanks to the generous donations that have come from all over the USA and Canada, we can send more books. The local churches in Sandy Hook can use copies of Getting Out of Bed in the Morning for their libraries and others in the devastated community can benefit from a book on hope and healing in the midst of loss.

When do we send this gift of love? Although the media is consumed with reports of what is going on now in the Newton community, we know from past experiences that the "hype" will soon dissipate. Humans are like that. We tend to move from one news-breaking event to another.

But the families who lost loved ones are only at the beginning of their journeys . . . When a child dies, the world stops for a parent. The first weeks, even months, are like living in a fog. When that anesthesia wears off, the reality kicks in.

My child is gone. He is not coming back.

Ever.

Parents need help and support for the rest of their lives. I continue to cherish those who have walked this bereavement trail with me. It's been fifteen years since my son Daniel's death and I still yearn for his smile and hug.

Right now we plan to send the books after the first of next year.

Here is what we are looking at:

1. An autographed book with the name of each child who died for the child's family

2. One of my Songs from Heaven empathy cards with each book

3. A letter with the names and hometowns of each of the donors (that would be you all) for each family

Thank you, each one, for your donations to this Sandy Hook Comfort Project.

If others would like to donate, click on this link and scroll to the end of the post.

Donate comfort for Sandy Hook Parents and Families

On December 14, 2012, a tragedy too awful to believe could happen, did happen. Twenty-six people were shot at Sandy Hook Elementary School in the Sandy Hook village of Newton, Connecticut. Twenty children died. Six adults died.

I know the devastation of having a child die.

My cousin in Maryland asked if I'd donate one of my novels for an auction to benefit the survivors---those lost in the anguish and sorrow. I signed one of my novels and put it in a mailer to her.

Later today, a Facebook friend, Lisa Schorp, wanted to know if my new book, Getting Out of Bed in the Morning: Reflections of Comfort in Heartache, could reach the hands of those devastated. Her message: To tell them that God is near.

Suddenly I realized that maybe I should act on this desire of Lisa's.

People could sponsor my new devotional, Getting Out of Bed in the Morning: Reflections of Comfort in Heartache and a batch of my books could be sent with a note to the elementary school for each family who lost a loved one.

My book is written as raw and real; I know the pain of loss. There are also passages of hope, love and comfort. This book has been called a companion through grief. Eugene Peterson writes about it:

"Believe me, you will be changed as you read this book---a book of grief and comfort. Written without easy answers, but with gritty, courageous prayer, wrestling like Jacob with God's angel." ~ Eugene H Peterson, Professor Emeritus of Spiritual Theology, Recent College, Vancouver, B.C.; translator of The Message

"Hope stirs fresh in Getting Out of Bed in the Morning as Alice Wisler tenderly challenges the remnants of our grieving hearts to a healing journey. This book is a safe place to reconcile painful losses; a graceful guide through the uncharted and often complex landscape of grief and loss. Alice’s heart whispers an understanding that comes only from one who has tasted consuming heartache yet uncovered the hope of God’s sustaining grace." ~ Jo Ann Fore, Author, Founder of WriteWhereItHurts.org


(Read more about Getting Out of Bed in the Morning here.)

If you like this idea and would like to make a donation, please press the Paypal DONATE button below. Or send a check made out to me using the snail mail address below. If you want to stay tuned in and have updates on the amount contributed as well as when the books will be sent, etc., email me at info@alicewisler.com with the subject: "Comfort to Sandy Hook". I will send out periodic updates.

Let's make Lisa's wonderful suggestion come true!

Mail your donation to:
Daniel's House Publications
201 Monticello Avenue
Durham, NC 27707 USA

OR

Donate via Paypal.

Rescue Me!

Join me for just 15 minutes at noon (EST) today as I read an excerpt from my new book, Getting Out of Bed in the Morning. I'll be reading chapter 7, Rescue Me!

Often in our grief, we want to be saved from the despair, cared for, and nurtured. We are in great need of help when life seems to have swallowed us whole.

Turn in to Writing the Heartache to hear some encouragement as well as some writing tips to help you during your season of grief.

And if you listen closely, you'll hear a way that you can get yourself a special gift.


For the podcast (in case you miss the show), click this link.

Thanks to all for listening!

Fun sharing on this radio show

I so enjoyed being on two radio shows this week! You can listen to the podcast of the one from last night by clicking this link for Christian Devotions, Speak Up!

I talk about my missionary life in Japan (both as a child and as an adult), being in trouble in the dorm in high school, how I used to write and illustrate stapled books with stick figures, and the value of writing through grief. My new book, Getting Out of Bed in the Morning, even got a commercial blurb! Listen to how well this pitch for it is done by Scott McCausey.

To hear the other show I was on, The Vital Connection on 1450 AM radio, click this link for the podcast. Here I talk about my devotional that has just come out, and how hard the holidays can be for those in grief.

Getting Out of Bed in the Morning: a taste from chapter 36

Thirty-six
Even When It’s Bleak


Though the fig tree does not bud
and there are no grapes on the vines,
though the olive crop fails
and the fields produce no food,
though there are no sheep in the pen
and no cattle in the stalls,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord,
I will be joyful in God my Savior.
—Habakkuk 3:17–18


I tell my children that life is tough. It isn’t easy being human. I’m not trying to take away their hope. Rather, I want them to know that troubles will come their way; and instead of shunning those troubles, they need to look up to God for help. Life and troubles go together. It took me a long to realize this. I think the desire to believe that I would be spared from sorrows stunted my early spiritual growth.

Jesus warned us, In this world you will have trouble(John 16:33). The fig tree will often be bare. But each time, hopefully, our trust in God deepens. We look back and see how He provided even when we were ready to call it quits.

I pondered the reason that we rejoice even when the fig tree doesn’t bud and realized that being joyful in God serves a wonderful purpose. If we can focus on God, this takes our mind off of the circumstances that plague us. If we can keep our eyes on a God who changes not, who is constant even though our lives are whirlwinds of change, we are acting on the knowledge that we serve Someone worthy of praise. We let praise overtake our burden. Praise gets the front row seat. Our heavy turmoil gets seated in the back of the auditorium. Time and time again, God asks us to look to Him as our refugee, to focus on His goodness in spite of our sorrow. Something about trusting in the midst of bleakness works to reiterate the worthiness of God to be praised. Even when things aren’t as we want them to be. Even when the day is dark. Regardless.

While Jesus said in John 16:33 that we will have trouble, He also left us with a promise in that same verse: But take heart! I have overcome the world. Our problems won’t go with us into our new life in Heaven. But God will.

I challenge you to get to know God better than you know your troubles. Push aside all the jargon you might have grown up with—“christianese”—certain phrases you’ve repeated that you aren’t even sure how to explain to a nonbeliever. Read the Bible, perhaps pondering on one passage over and over so that you can fully grasp its meaning for you. Discover ways to express both God and faith in your own words.

Reflections to Ponder
Can we trust that God is moving even when all seems impossible? When we have nothing to hang onto but God, when everything else seems at a loss, a mural of confusion, can we know that God is for us?

Prayer
Lord, I want to persevere. I want to be persistent as I serve You—believing that You are for me, that Your love for me is great, and that Your mercy and grace exceeds my expectations.

When You Walk
When there are days you don’t feel like going on your daily walk, how do you motivate yourself? If someone asked you what to do to become motivated, what advice would you give?

~ from Getting Out of Bed in the Morning by Alice J. Wisler
copyright 2012
Leafwood Publishers

Order a copy today from the Rivers of Life Gift Shop.

Getting Out of Bed: The arrival of GOOB

"You are a work of art in progress."

Yesterday, I was the happy recipient of a box of books titled Getting Out of Bed in the Morning. My two daughters (my son was at work) and husband were able to share in some of my excitement over the contents with me. My daughters breathed in the aroma of the pages, something I've taught them to do. There is nothing like the special scent of a newly-published book. Especially when your name is on the cover as the author.

Holding a copy of my devotional was a dream come true. I savored the feel of both the book and my heart. This book is compiled of forty devotions and a large piece of my broken heart.

In 1997 my son Daniel died after eight months of cancer treatments. He was four. I was thirty-six. I was angry with God for not healing him. The cancer hadn't killed him; it was the severe treatments that compromised his body. A staph infection took over and eventually his heart stopped. He died in my arms.

I was pregnant at the time. While my baby kicked inside the womb, my son gritted his teeth and left this earth. Three months to the day of his death, my fourth child, Elizabeth was born.

Getting out of bed each morning after Daniel's death was surreal. How could my son be gone? How could I still be alive? What was wrong with God? Why hadn't he saved my little boy from death? How would I live now? What was the point of going on?

I wrestled with questions, primarily to God. Why? How come? How could you? Why?

I wanted to die.

I didn't get to.

Instead, I put one foot in front of the other. And at the end of each day, I went to bed and woke to try again the next morning. One foot in front of the other. One day at a time. Deep breaths.

I would never ask God for anything again.

I knew too well that He could say, No.

Journaling was a lifeline. So was the support of the Wake County, North Carolina Compassionate Friends group. Some books helped. I wrote articles that made it into print magazines. I founded Daniel's House Publications and through it, compiled two cookbooks of recipes and memories in memory of children, who like my Daniel, had died way too soon. Slices of Sunlight came out in 1999 and two years later, Down the Cereal Aisle followed. I had an online newsletter.

I cried and missed my son. Birthdays came and I sent balloons up to him in Heaven. Christmases made me hollow and I was glad when the season ended.

I spoke at conferences. I taught on the benefits of writing through grief. I met some wonderful people---real people----the kind that know they are broken and that life is not for wimps.

I wanted to write a book on how God fit into my struggle. Believe me, I tried. I had agents and editors interested, but nothing stuck.

Until . . .

Last year, Leafwood Publishers said, Yes! This publisher took my fragile mother's heart and said, We believe in you. We read your words. You do have something to say.

I wrote Getting Out of Bed in the Morning to offer a morsel of hope to those without. I want to share with others that although they are weak and struggle, they aren't alone. God is the provider of the daily bread, the wisdom, the cup of cold water, the balm of healing, the hope of tomorrow. He has this awesome thing called sustaining grace. He supplies it. And He loves us, no matter how battered we might feel.

God is for the broken hearted.

God is for you.


To order an autographed copy of Getting Out of Bed in the Morning , head over to my Broken Psalms blog (join it, if you'd like) and visit the Rivers of Life Gift Shop.

[This post also appears on my Broken Psalms blog and my Writing the Heartache blog.]